Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Watch Your Rashi (during Recession) - by B. Jane Soberwalla

Aries
Children and relatives will be more demanding today for attention from you. Try to spend more time with them over a hired movie DVD instead of malls or cinema hall.


Taurus
Good news, money pours in from recent investments. Bad news, your Piggy bank will accidentally break.


Gemini

Be cautions at the work place, you may lose out a chance to go for a foreign junket. Flatter your seniors and improve your chances for the paid trip.


Cancer
Your competitive nature will enable you to win any contest you enter. Don’t let the chance slip away from your fingers for a junket. Beware of your colleagues who flatter their seniors.

Leo
You should plan your day well in advance to reap benefits. Announce a tempting ‘contest’ for your juniors and watch them try to woo you with gifts. This may pay out for the holiday you have been secretly planning for some time now.

Virgo
Good time to take a holiday with your family. Go online today and visit your favourite holiday destinations for free, at the click of your mouse. But you must invest in a good broadband connection at home.

Libra
Difficulty with your spouse will cause some emotional stress. Stay away from using his/her credit card too often. Manage house accounts with pocket money from your parents instead.

Scorpio
Expenditure may rise due to sudden arrival of guests. To avoid, pack your bags and go camp at other relatives’ place.


Sagittarius


Harsh attitude of your colleagues might upset your day as they may show off their brand new iPhones or iMac. Practice patience and this too shall pass.


Capricorn

An evening with a close friend proves pleasurable and relaxing. You will be invited for a free drink, but linger on till dinner is served.


Aquarius
New ventures will start on a positive note. Expect some close friend to leave behind a large sum of money. Invest quickly before the lost wallet is discovered.


Pisces
Take care you can be emotionally exploited. Don’t fall for a sob story or phishing email that promises you money to be transferred online. Do not disclose your bank accounts details to anyone.

If you are satisfied with your horoscope readings, contact me for detailed readings at a nominal cost of $120 for the entire month’s predictions. Leave your account number at malovika@in.com
Satisfaction guaranteed, else money refunded in 15 days.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Emraan Took My Beer Session Advice & Made Peace

Apparently Emraan Hashmi had a change of heart and I'd like to take credit for that (ahem!) since my open letter to him suggested that he has a beer session with the Landlord, Mr. Suvarna (not that I am advocating alcoholism) inspired by President Obama. (Read my open letter at Why Emraan Hashmi needs to drink beer)

Hashmi has made a U-Turn since then, saying that he was never discriminated being a Muslim, also the landlord remarks that he is more than willing to sell the flat to Hashmi, who is like his son. Mr. Suvarna claims that Mr. Hashmi will be his first choice if and when he decides to sells the flat (Mr. Suvarna had earlier said that he has put off plans to sell flat since his son is returning from the US).

So all's well that end's well. The extent to which Hashmi has done a U-turn only encourages me to conclude that he has heeded to my advice with numerous pegs of a a potent drink of Beer (I'm guessing Cobra beer or Kingfisher Strong).

Like Benjamin Franklin said - "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Monday, August 3, 2009

Why Emraan Hashmi needs to drink a Beer

Dear Mr. Hashmi, (A.K.A. Serial Kisser)

You are welcome to reach down to your religious root when you find it convenient.

You are welcome to show off your latest moustache and goatie and enjoy the limelight given that your recent movies aren’t a super-duper hit thanks to Akshay Kumar’s brigade of movies and Rakhi Sawant beating you to the Oomph factor.

You are welcome to conveniently forget the millions of rupees you have made on account of your ‘kissing’ talent on screen thanks to many Hindu, Christian and Muslim fans who imagined themselves in your boots while you lip-locked dozens of heroines.

You are welcome to reveal to the world that you have been a pious Muslim and even secular since you have a Hindu wife and Christian convert mother.

But Mr. Hashmi, you are NOT welcome to play the ‘Sympathy’ card or ‘Minority’ card after enjoying being a ‘loved’ celebrity for a decade now. Have you gone 'insane' like the former cricket captain Mohd. Azharuddin who too pulled out the Minority card when he cried of being victimized few years ago?

You are NOT welcome to grab headlines over an issue as trivial as not being able to get a house in Mumbai. Didn’t Shahrukh Khan and Salman Khan get mansions of their own worth millions?

You are NOT welcome to assume that the housing society in Mumbai didn’t sell you flat because of your surname. Instead it could’ve been because you are a film star like Shiney Ahuja who shamed his family and neighbours by turning out to be a rapist. Perhaps that’s the reason why any responsible landlord is demanding a character certificate (not that you need one!)

You are NOT welcome to divide your fans’ faith between being a ‘Serial Kisser’ and a ‘Muslim Star who didn’t get a flat as easily as his star status’.

You are NOT welcome to toy with public’s emotions and try to seed seeds of ‘Hindu-Muslim divide’ among the millions of fans of Bollywood stars, because they don’t see Bollywood stars as anything less than Gods and Goddesses, leave alone see them as Hindus or Muslims.

So while you are enjoying your 30 minutes of fame on TV even in the absence of a steamy kissing scene, try doing what Obama did. Take a bottle of beer and sit down with the flat owner who you have accused of being biased. Do try and search in your past if you have discriminated others for their religion background? If not help yourself to another glass.

After all, a chilled beer is the next best thing after a kiss and make up.

Yours Truly,
an Indian.

PS: And while you are at it, try figuring out how it would've been if a 'Muslim' fanatic group took up cudgels brandishing your kissing scenes as unIslamic or a cleric issuing a Fatwa against you for having kissed, drink beer and pray to other gods.

Note to readers not familiar with Mr. Hashmi: Emraan Hashmi is a Bollywood star more on him at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/emraan-hashmi-bollywood-s_n_250899.html