Hamara Bajaj kahan gaya?

The captivating ad jingle for Hamara Bajaj went off air maybe a year ago, but what was more disheartening was to learn that Bajaj was also winding up its scooter business after ruling the roost in India for as long as I can remember.

What happened to the ‘Buland Bharat ki buland tasveer’ (part of the lyrics of the Bajaj scooter’s ad jingle which means – ‘a fortifying image of a strong nation’) which we had all come to believe in?

For decades Bajaj was a synonym for scooter in India just as Colgate had become a synonym for toothpaste. Of course there were other brands such as Hero Honda, TVS, and maybe a few more but mention the word scooter and it would always be a Bajaj Scooter that one would recall.

It struck me yesterday that there are no scooters to be seen on the roads of Bangalore (the city where I live now) leave alone a Bajaj scooter. There was a pang of sadness when I realized that one of the trademark products which lined my childhood will soon be erased from the real world and will reside only in my memories of yester years.

One of the earliest memories I have is that of my Dad’s scooter which he bought after a waiting period of 4 years since its booking, in Chandigarh. It was a yellow scooter which he purchased through the Army’s special booking quota in 1976, a year before I was born.
Our family of four (including my younger sister) would go for long rides on the scooter. I would stand in the front holding on to the arms of the scooter while my sister would be seated between my dad and my mom. Catching breeze in my hair I would enjoy the unrestricted view of the road ahead.
My dad was among the few who had a vehicle of his own and so it came as a rude shock when one day the scooter was stolen from our open garage which was supposedly ‘protected’ as we stayed within the army cantonment area. The loss was inconsolable and our colony was abuzz with the news of this theft.

Dad was particularly broken hearted. I think it was after 6 months or so that he bought another scooter, a Bajaj Super, steel grey colour. This scooter served us well from 1983 to 1998 (while I was still doing my B.E.). The scooter added more special memories. We never really missed having a car but now it wasn’t possible for all four of us to sit at one go, so dad would make round trips to pick up in batches.

I remember how Dad and I explored Bangalore city soon after he was posted here, on the scooter. We must’ve done 40 Kms that day as Dad drove from central Bangalore to the eastern parts and back.

My dad enjoys traveling a lot and most of the time he would take off without informing my mom, causing quite a flutter back home since there were no mobile phones those days to keep track of your missing husband. He enjoys riding a 2-wheeler more than a 4-wheeler, proof of which is apparent from his sun burnt face just below the rim of the helmet, and badly tanned arms.

In 1998 we sold my TVS Luna and dad’s Bajaj scooter since we got a TVS scooty, a gearless scooter, besides having a car. But from there on Dad and I didn’t go around painting the town red the old way.

I asked him how he felt on hearing that Bajaj isn’t making scooters anymore. He wasn’t in a melancholic mood unlike me. In fact he looked at it practically and said good old scooters were anyways long dead. “It’s a good thing,” he said, “bikes and power scooters are anyways what people are buying now.”

Taking solace from his point of view I said to myself, “Some things don’t last forever… pity we all have to grow up some time.”

This is it!

I must first admit that I am not a huge Michael Jackson fan, I don’t know all his songs or albums or even lyrics to most of his popular songs. But I loved the guy and his music.

I am using 'love' in the sense to express those times when we have all grooved to his music and thanked him for some great tunes and videos.

So before the weekend got over I wanted to catch “This is It” the latest docu-feature on MJ’s final curtain call. My husband, who is a devoted fan (read his blog post) had bought tickets a month ago for the first day’s show of “This is it” but due to some compelling work we had to miss the movie and couldn’t even pawn off the tickets to someone else.Nevertheless, we didn’t miss the movie as we caught it right before it was taken off.

Right from the first frame, tears welled up in my eyes and I thought it wouldn’t stop. Amid loud cheers from the audience in the hall, we sat with hands clasped tightly in silence, watching the Man make some amazing moves which he is so famous for.

It took quite some time for me to fight back my tears and applaud. Applause came spontaneous and unrelenting from the audience for the whole of 2 hours of the movie.
It was surprising to see how charged up MJ looked, he was on top of the things – lighting, music arrangement, choreography, stage set, props and video – he had full control over everything. It brought a smile to see his ways of making a suggestion or expressing his discontent at some of the arrangements, it was all so humble.

For instance there was this music composer who just wasn’t getting the rhythm right for a song. Michael told him simply its just not the same speed as what he composed for the album. And when the composer said “I can add some booty if you want” MJ simply said, “Oh that’s funny” suggesting (I thought) that he didn’t need booty for his music.

The movie shook off the post-death image that media had created. MJ was jumping, rolling on the floor, doing the moonwalk, and leading the pack of professional dancers – nothing to suggest that he was weak or unhealthy. We went home wondering what really killed Michael then? This 50-year old man was as good as a 35 year old MJ working his magic.

The movie is shot and edited very well, no unnecessary interviews, no boring details of his profile. It was straight forward and didn’t waver off from the prime subject – Michael Jackson’s preparation for his last concert tour.

But most of all, the movie reminds you that the legend is no more and that’s the heart breaking reality.

Watch Your Rashi (during Recession) - by B. Jane Soberwalla

Aries
Children and relatives will be more demanding today for attention from you. Try to spend more time with them over a hired movie DVD instead of malls or cinema hall.


Taurus
Good news, money pours in from recent investments. Bad news, your Piggy bank will accidentally break.


Gemini
Be cautions at the work place, you may lose out a chance to go for a foreign junket. Flatter your seniors and improve your chances for the paid trip.


Cancer
Your competitive nature will enable you to win any contest you enter. Don’t let the chance slip away from your fingers for a junket. Beware of your colleagues who flatter their seniors.

Leo
You should plan your day well in advance to reap benefits. Announce a tempting ‘contest’ for your juniors and watch them try to woo you with gifts. This may pay out for the holiday you have been secretly planning for some time now.

Virgo
Good time to take a holiday with your family. Go online today and visit your favourite holiday destinations for free, at the click of your mouse. But you must invest in a good broadband connection at home.

Libra
Difficulty with your spouse will cause some emotional stress. Stay away from using his/her credit card too often. Manage house accounts with pocket money from your parents instead.

Scorpio
Expenditure may rise due to sudden arrival of guests. To avoid, pack your bags and go camp at other relatives’ place.


Sagittarius

Harsh attitude of your colleagues might upset your day as they may show off their brand new iPhones or iMac. Practice patience and this too shall pass.


Capricorn
An evening with a close friend proves pleasurable and relaxing. You will be invited for a free drink, but linger on till dinner is served.


Aquarius
New ventures will start on a positive note. Expect some close friend to leave behind a large sum of money. Invest quickly before the lost wallet is discovered.


Pisces
Take care you can be emotionally exploited. Don’t fall for a sob story or phishing email that promises you money to be transferred online. Do not disclose your bank accounts details to anyone.

If you are satisfied with your horoscope readings, contact me for detailed readings at a nominal cost of $120 for the entire month’s predictions. Leave your account number at malovika@in.com
Satisfaction guaranteed, else money refunded in 15 days.

Emraan Took My Beer Session Advice & Made Peace

Apparently Emraan Hashmi had a change of heart and I'd like to take credit for that (ahem!) since my open letter to him suggested that he has a beer session with the Landlord, Mr. Suvarna (not that I am advocating alcoholism) inspired by President Obama. (Read my open letter at Why Emraan Hashmi needs to drink beer)

Hashmi has made a U-Turn since then, saying that he was never discriminated being a Muslim, also the landlord remarks that he is more than willing to sell the flat to Hashmi, who is like his son. Mr. Suvarna claims that Mr. Hashmi will be his first choice if and when he decides to sells the flat (Mr. Suvarna had earlier said that he has put off plans to sell flat since his son is returning from the US).

So all's well that end's well. The extent to which Hashmi has done a U-turn only encourages me to conclude that he has heeded to my advice with numerous pegs of a a potent drink of Beer (I'm guessing Cobra beer or Kingfisher Strong).

Like Benjamin Franklin said - "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Why Emraan Hashmi needs to drink a Beer

Dear Mr. Hashmi, (A.K.A. Serial Kisser)

You are welcome to reach down to your religious root when you find it convenient.

You are welcome to show off your latest moustache and goatie and enjoy the limelight given that your recent movies aren’t a super-duper hit thanks to Akshay Kumar’s brigade of movies and Rakhi Sawant beating you to the Oomph factor.

You are welcome to conveniently forget the millions of rupees you have made on account of your ‘kissing’ talent on screen thanks to many Hindu, Christian and Muslim fans who imagined themselves in your boots while you lip-locked dozens of heroines.

You are welcome to reveal to the world that you have been a pious Muslim and even secular since you have a Hindu wife and Christian convert mother.

But Mr. Hashmi, you are NOT welcome to play the ‘Sympathy’ card or ‘Minority’ card after enjoying being a ‘loved’ celebrity for a decade now. Have you gone 'insane' like the former cricket captain Mohd. Azharuddin who too pulled out the Minority card when he cried of being victimized few years ago?

You are NOT welcome to grab headlines over an issue as trivial as not being able to get a house in Mumbai. Didn’t Shahrukh Khan and Salman Khan get mansions of their own worth millions?

You are NOT welcome to assume that the housing society in Mumbai didn’t sell you flat because of your surname. Instead it could’ve been because you are a film star like Shiney Ahuja who shamed his family and neighbours by turning out to be a rapist. Perhaps that’s the reason why any responsible landlord is demanding a character certificate (not that you need one!)

You are NOT welcome to divide your fans’ faith between being a ‘Serial Kisser’ and a ‘Muslim Star who didn’t get a flat as easily as his star status’.

You are NOT welcome to toy with public’s emotions and try to seed seeds of ‘Hindu-Muslim divide’ among the millions of fans of Bollywood stars, because they don’t see Bollywood stars as anything less than Gods and Goddesses, leave alone see them as Hindus or Muslims.

So while you are enjoying your 30 minutes of fame on TV even in the absence of a steamy kissing scene, try doing what Obama did. Take a bottle of beer and sit down with the flat owner who you have accused of being biased. Do try and search in your past if you have discriminated others for their religion background? If not help yourself to another glass.

After all, a chilled beer is the next best thing after a kiss and make up.

Yours Truly,
an Indian.

PS: And while you are at it, try figuring out how it would've been if a 'Muslim' fanatic group took up cudgels brandishing your kissing scenes as unIslamic or a cleric issuing a Fatwa against you for having kissed, drink beer and pray to other gods.

Note to readers not familiar with Mr. Hashmi: Emraan Hashmi is a Bollywood star more on him at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/emraan-hashmi-bollywood-s_n_250899.html

When Ram Gopal Verma Gave Me Company

It was in a restaurant (KFC to be precise) when I sat down alone to bite into my juicy burger, that I felt an urge to drop in to see what RGV was upto. Ram Gopal Verma’s blog has been much talked about by my husband. Now that I had an hour to kill before a movie, I was tempted to check out the scrumptious blog http://rgvzoomin.com/


It was delectable, juicy and stimulating just like my Burger oozing out cheese. I had never been introduced to Ram Gopal Varma as someone who had a nonchalant approach towards life or someone who possessed quite an ‘in-your-face’ kind of wit that tries to grabs you by your balls when you try to grab RGV’s balls!

So far none of the TV interviews ever portrayed the guy as any of the above, which goes on to show what a lousy bunch of Bollywood reporters we have. So it pleasantly surprised me when I began knowing RGV through his ‘honest’ writings.
Essentially he comes across as an ordinary human being who could sometimes don the cap of a visionary director.

RGV’s blog is peppered with real-life experiences which at times choke you, they also reflect his ‘Bindaas’ attitude towards life.

Like, I never knew what a huge impact Michael Jackson had on RGV. “I hate Michael Jackson” was a touching tribute to MJ by Ramu.

Another post titled “Biggest thrill of my life” captures Ramu’s years as a vagabond hanging around a movie theatre absorbing cinema. This post was not only endearing but also heart warming as it shows RGV as any regular college going dude who loved movies and didn’t have enough moolah to buy tickets, so he would hang around to sniff cinema in any form available.

This struck a chord with me as I know a college mate who had a similar passion. This guy has watched Rangeela over 80 times in the movie halls and maybe 24 times or more at home on VHS and VCD. The theater manager took a liking for my friend who would watch 3 shows back to back daily when he had enough moolah. On other days the theater manager would let him watch for free. His passion for movies continued beyond Rangeela as he now owns a huge collection of DVDs and VCDs (all legal) and has run out of space for additional DVDs in his wardrobe. Its a different thing that my friend didnt turn out to be a movie director, but he sure did get to shake hands with Ramu.

RGV’s blog makes one realize how real his experiences are. Whether he sculpts a story with a camera or words he always has an interesting story to tell.

Getting back to RGV’s ball-biting humour which some may find offensive or rude, here’s some sample:

1. What is the worst gift that you have ever received?”
RGV: “An unlimited budget for Aag.”

2. Fuck you and fuck your limited brains.
RGV: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!......... (In case you didn’t realize that’s me having an orgasm)

3. What will RGV’s epitaph say?
RGV: Somewhere between “Not a very nice guy” and “Not a very bad guy”

4. Can you tell us the three biggest mistakes you made w.r.t your films?
RGV: Shiva, Satya and Rangeela because they have created a benchmark and all the time I get bashed up for not living up to them. Boo hoo hoo!

And finally when asked to describe himself, RGV replies:

I am like a hardcore porn dvd. You might hate it, love it, look down upon it or get disgusted by it but if it is in the room you can’t resist watching it.
Apart from this I am also quite a nice guy though no one agrees with me on this.

Ramu, I agree you are quite a nice guy and I love reading your blog not for inspiration or tips on life, but just because it is not pretentious or preachy unlike other movie stars who are blogging.

In fact you will not find any bibliography of his work or a section dedicated to awards or accolades, Ramu’s blog just gives you a bare minimum emotional window.

Ah, and if you are an aspiring movie maker you may also find some of the tips given by Ramu on his blog interesting such as camera movements and cinematography tips which can enrich scenes.

For me Ramu’s blog is one helluva cool site which I enjoy reading for kicks!
Way to go Ramu!

Archie to Get Married!

Come August, our lovable 65-year old freckle-faced Archie will give up his bachelorhood and settle for either Betty or Veronica. The official website of Archie Comics mentions that issue no. 600 will be titled – “Archie Gets Married: Part 1” and will be on sale on 19 August 2009.

The official blog says –
“What would lead Archie to have marriage on his mind? And who would he choose Veronica or Betty? How will Betty react? How will Veronica react? Can Archie shake off his klutzy past and hold down a steady job... for more than a month? One thing is certain: this will be the biggest Archie Comics story ever!”

I find the idea of a married Archie rather amusing, and wonder if this is just a rumour to up the sales. Handling such a story will be tricky. The whole ploy of Archies Comic stories revolves around this cute love triangle with Betty –> Archie –> Veronica. How would Archie Comic Publications handle this big twist in the tale without losing the reader's interest? The news has already divided the readers who are pouring their opinions on the choice of bride.

Most opinion polls and comments left on the website have suggested Betty as the obvious choice for her unselfish love and adoration for Archie. Majority of readers feel Archie ‘owes’ it to Betty. But don’t forget most stories in Archie end up with Veronica getting Archie, so its quite possible it may happen this way in this story as well. Archie himself seems to be more drawn physically to Veronica and runs off to Betty only for emotional support.

Betty’s parents have never opposed to Archie as her boyfriend unlike Mr. Lodge who simply detests Archie. Will Veronica risk losing her father’s love and temper or will she get impulsive and marry Archie even if that means being disowned by Mr. Lodge? Chances are Reggie will also try to play some dirty tricks to keep Archie from marrying

Will Betty be able to keep Archie away from Veronica and other girls after she marries him? Or will she be outwitted by Veronica?

Or will it have a cliché ending where it is shown as a dream bubble bursting when Betty wakes up.

My best guess is Archie will pick neither Betty nor Veronica, how about the red-haired beauty Cheryl, who has in the past walked away with Archie in the end panels with Betty and Veronica watching helplessly.

Tell me what you think?

“Convert to Christianity, you will get admission”

It seems convent-school education is not just overrated but also a means of propagating forced conversion. My domestic help, Parvathy (name changed) discovered this appalling truth after she approached a local church for a recommendation letter for her son’s admissions in May.

The Father (name withheld) of the church saw the opportunity of influencing a vulnerable Hindu family into ‘embracing’ Christianity on the pretext of ‘allowing’ school admission. “If you want school admission in that school, you and your husband should become Christians,” he said to my domestic help who was asked to approach the Church for a recommendation letter by the school where she wanted her son’s admission.

Parvathy was not only taken aback but was scared to further talk about school admission with anyone from the Church or the school.

The stories of forced conversions are not new across India but I never imagined it would be happening in my neighbourhood right in the middle of a posh locality such as Benson Town. The lone church on Nandidurga Road (Opposite to State Bank of Mysore) stands out for its stone exterior. The church however displays no name board outside it so I really don’t know the name of the church.

This incident has not only rattled my belief in convent school admission system but also my faith in the harmonious existence of Christian Missionaries in Bangalore. Last year there were spurts of violence related to religious conversions being ‘engineered’ by few missionaries and the heat was felt in Mangalore and Bangalore.

It seems like some missionaries have still not refrained from ‘forcing’ people to convert either on the pretext of poverty or school admission and god knows what else. Karnataka is yet to approve an ‘Anti-Conversion’ Law aimed mainly to curb religious conversions made by “force, fraud or allurement.” Such a law has already been adopted in states such as Orissa, Arunachal Pradesh, Tamil Nadu and Gujarat. Human rights groups are however opposed to such laws saying that this could be used by Hindu nationalists to harass Christians. I wonder what Human Rights Groups have to say about this despicable attempt by the Father of this church.

My husband and my mother-in-law have also studied in a Convent school and they couldn’t believe such a barter system existed of exchanging your faith for school education. I reminded them that in their case they were wealthy enough to give donations unlike Parvathy.

This attempt made by the Father of this church only shows how easy it could be to prey on any desperate (SC/ST) Hindu family for conversion. There is plenty of statistics available online on the number of forced conversions across India but I am glad Parvathy didn’t get added to that list. She returned home with her religion and dignity intact and she swears she will never think of Convent education for her sons ever again.

PS: Please do not take this post as a platform to instigate communal disharmony, nor am I against willful conversion. I am reporting a true incident and my comment is restricted to the particular action of this Church. I dont see how or why anyone should get offended on reading this blog. Kindly leave your comments wisely and unemotionally.

“Cant lodge your FIR, we’ve run out of paper”

The Electronics City Police station (Bangalore) it seems has become so modern and paperless in their operation that they don’t even have paper for writing an FIR. We made this ‘paperless’ discovery when we approached the police station to record the accident of our car that was hit by a fast moving Sumo cab coming at right angles just 100 yards from the Police Station.

The cop at the station coolly heard our incident but put his hands up when we asked him to write our FIR before the cabbie driver got the benefit of doing so ahead of us. “Sorry Sar, we don’t have paper to write your FIR” he replied. Could it be because of the grand success of e-drive by the IT honchos that influenced our efficient police force?

Even a week later the FIR has not been lodged by them, our offer to provide them reams of paper from our office was also rejected. Instead the offer of Rs 1000 went down pretty well with them. And so turn the wheels within the wheels.

India Catches Swine Flu

Yeah, yeah I know what you will say “Swine Flu in India? No way!” but my dear friend Swine Flu has really taken its roots in India beginning in February when politicians came out in droves with folded hands, spewing venomous speeches against one another in the air of democracy.

The informal definition of Swine in the Oxford Dictionary is ‘an unpleasant person’. Flu is defined as an acute highly contagious viral disease. Going by these definitions Swine Flu or the flu spread by unpleasant people has already hit the Indian atmosphere and symptoms are starkly visible for the world to see.

The infected hands of politicians that doles out crores of Rupees openly in public; the blind eye turned to the chronic terrorism threat; the limping attitude of ministers in addressing economic crisis; the feverish pitch of hate speeches without any fear of being booked; the brain-dead outlook for the country projected in every party’s manifesto and the blood chilling thirst for power that turns politicians into murderers. Just some of the deadly symptoms recognizable easily.

The Indian Swine Flu is being carried by hosts that are vying for mere 543 seats in the Lok Sabha of a country of over 1.2 billion.

The Indian Swine Flu is known to be caused by hunger for power that leads to corruptible ways of achieving it. This virus is not isolated and has various subtypes that spreads generation to generation. The main carriers are seasoned politicians (usual suspects like Deve Gowda, Lalu Prasad, M Karunanidhi, Sonia Gandhi, Narendra Modi, Karat, L K Advani, Rajnath Singh, etc), most of whom advocate dynastic spread of the virus.

The virus is deadlier in the female carriers; it hasn’t spared Mamta Bannerjee, Jayalalitha, Mayawati, Sonia Gandhi and Maneka Gandhi, who are termed as ‘King Makers’.

While the H1N1 virus causes sore throat and headaches in the victims, the Indian Swine Flu virus has left common man cynical and sore about promises broken. Not to forget the headaches we suffer every time we tune in to the TV to see how low the swines have stooped this time with their level of speeches and actions.

The reach of Swine Flu is unhindered and quick as it spreads from octogenarian politicians to young guns in Indian politics by mere air contact. Varun Gandhi caught the Swine Flu as a BJP candidate when he made his infamous hate speeches in Pilibhit. Any guesses where he caught the virus from?

The Indian Swine Flu has not spared even the internet world where the Swines are spreading their viral message. I got several such emails from candidates trying to woo candidates. Nothing wrong in this method, as long as one reads it with caution and runs a virus scan.

It is found that the Indian Swine Flu virus has mutated over the years. From affecting illiterate politicians to master criminals, the virus has mutated to affect even the elite class of literate politicians. Some have shown resistance to the virus by being upright in their ideals such as Arun Shourie, AK Anthony, and Manmohan Singh, as individuals.

The Indian strain of Swine Flu virus cannot be contained by the likes of Election Commission or Supreme Court. These agencies have caught several swines red-handed for distributing cash for votes (Yashwant Sinha and the likes), or spreading hate speeches (Varun Gandhi). They have even barred some criminals from contesting elections (poor Sanjay Dutt) and tried to bring some order but they haven’t been able to contain the viral spread completely.

What can perhaps (mind you, perhaps) contain the spread of the Indian Swine Flu is the honest vote by every citizen for the right reasons and right candidate. The treatment will not be overnight but spread across several years maybe with the right awareness of our responsibility in draining out the virus. But one cant help but think that our vote could strengthen the virus instead of stemming it out since the carriers are multiplying with great rage every time.

I only pray and hope that this year the Indian Swine Flu comes to an end with the declaration of results in May. But brace yourself for the return of the virus after 5 years, lets hope it is less deadlier.

Booked a Nano in 10 minutes

Having caught the Nano fever from my parents (Read my previous blog - Mom wants a Nano (more than my dad), I too decided to book one Tata Nano for the family and to improve my chances at the 'lottery'.

But I have always dreaded to go to a bank especially to apply for a loan. On Wednesday my fears were all laid to rest when I stepped into SBI for a loan for Tata Nano. The procedure for applying for a loan was simple and just took me 10 min.

Here's what to do to book Nano in 10 minutes:

1. Carry Nano booking form.
2. Carry a PAN card Xerox, a salary certificate from your company, a photograph and a cancelled cheque of your savings account.
3. Go to Manager with these documents and fill up the way he tells you.
4. Next go to cash counter with Rs. 4,200 that includes stamp paper duty and processing fee.
5. Bring acknowledgment slip to the manager for the stamp paper to go along with your loan form.
6. Complete the processing by signing the form where ever Manager tells you.

The loan application form and booking forms were collected by the Bank’s manager and it was over in a matter of some 2 dozen signatures. With the bank giving me a 100% loan I had nothing to worry about. Whats more, my EMI will not start till allotments are announced after 90 days.

I was flummoxed for a bit as I continued to sit there in front of the manager even after he handed over the acknowledgment, expecting some more paperwork to be carried on.

Full marks to SBI (St. Marks Road) who have set up a special cell for Tata Nano and helped a customer like me to get hassle free loan. Contrary to other banks this bank was not at all crowded at around 3 pm (despite being a zonal branch) and I quickly made my way to cash counter. The staff was courteous and I wondered why they don’t have such breed in private banks where one doesn’t even get a smile from the executive.

In fact the contrast is too sharp between SBI and ICICI Bank which I happened to visit on the same day. Even with no queue I had to take a token and wait for my chance for atleast 8 minutes. Applying for a new cheque book at ICICI Bank took me double the time of what I took for applying for a car loan in SBI.

Who would’ve thought private banks would be more impersonal than public sector banks. Well, I got my proof in the pudding when I ate it.

Incidentally, my mother did stick to her resolution of booking a Nano and paid for the booking amount on her own (without a loan from the bank). Refer to -- Mom wants a Nano (More than my Dad) for the back story.

Mom Wants a Nano (more than my Dad)

I was pleasantly surprised when my mom told me how determined she was to be the first woman to book Nano, never mind the fact that she may have to battle it out with over a million others in a lottery draw. Her enthusiasm brings to the fore a fact that the critics of Nano should bear in mind – Nano is an answer to their desire to travel light and safe.

Even before the commercial launch, Nano became a symbol of hope and optimism for the common man (or woman) heralding a revolution that finds parallels with the iPod, or a Rs1000 mobile phone.

Negative reports are being dished out in the newspapers, “It sounds like an auto” “Oh no radio, no air conditioner” “It is a tin can”. All this has been ignored by my parents who are planning to save up for the booking amount (approx Rs.90,000) even though they are in the midst of preparing for my sister’s wedding in May.

I would say my parents represent a middle-class Indian family (post-retirement) where the average monthly income is conservative consisting of pension and some self-business income. There are billions of Indian families such as mine who aspire for economic solutions. My folks already own a second-hand car and I was going to gift them a fairly well-maintained Matiz, but the excitement of having a Nano in their garage is just something else. (By the way my parents are looking to replace their 15-years old Maruti 800 by Tata Nano. News reports already suggest that Maruti 800 is being phased out.)

It is not just the fate of Tata’s Nano but fate of the other car brands which will be decided by the populace. A colleague of mine is waiting for Nano launch not because he wants to buy it, but to see what ripple effect it will have in bringing down the prices of other cars that are on his wish-list.

The Nano represents a modest fantasy for the billions of Indians. It’s the same populace that made Indian mobile subscriber base figures legendary. It is the same masses that made the Indian stock market boom legendary by being first time investors in early 2006-07. And it is this very group that will now turn Nano into a legend.

Mamta Bannerjee are you listening the roar of Nano and the thunderous footfalls of eager consumers? That’s the stuff PROGRESS is made of.

Earth Hour, Do Indians Need Such an Hour?

So the Earth Hour came and passed by, making very little difference to me as I went through the grind of having to adjust with unscheduled power cuts in a city like Bangalore.

It was a week before the scheduled ‘voluntary’ power shutdown for an hour that I noticed how big the event was made out to be. Billboards sprung up at strategic points asking citizens to do their part in saving the Earth. I even saw Aamir Khan (my favourite actor) encouraging me through the leafs of newspaper to do my bit. But when the moment came (on 29th March, at 8.30 pm) I was praying hard that the power supply company BESCOM doesn’t 'enforce' Earth Hour by cutting off the power, and play a spoil sport for our dinner party.

Sorry Aamir Khan, I didn’t join you in your mission, sorry Australians and Parisians, I did not join you from my country for that one hour. But hey don’t forget the ‘sacrifice’ we are made to give during the innumerable hours every week due to unscheduled power cuts.

We experience Earth Hour almost everyday between 8am to 9.30am and then again at 7.30 pm to 8.30 pm. Do they enjoy such an Earth Hour in Australia, France, Chicago or Bangkok? How many of the children there have to study for their exams in candle lights every night? How many women in those nations go through childbirth in darkness? How many hospitals in these countries turn down patients due to non-availability of power or a generator?

The way I see it Earth Hour is just another glamorous way of ‘making a difference’. Yea, yea, it gives the progressive society stalwarts the satisfaction of saying "See I care for the world" but it is merely a drop in the ocean. Earth Hour is a concept for the Developed Nations, please spare the developing nations such as India.

Who is to answer for the amount of electricity already spent for making the billboards? What about the power and money spent behind the huge baloon floaters used to advertise Earth Hour? What about the live telecast hours and money spent in talking about Earth Hour? Who knows what statistics that may run into. I only wish the means of creating awareness about such an event should have been simpler and devoid of extravagant spending. After all Save Energy, Save planet, that's the idea right?

And why restrict the act of saving the Earth to just one hour out of 8760 hours in a year, when we can do our bit every day?

So here’s what you can do if you missed the Earth Hour by a candle.

• Switch off the geyser in your bathroom after 10-15 min. trust me the water will remain hot for a long time.
• Replace all your old incandescent (yellow illumination) bulbs with CFL and LED lights, these bulbs are four times and 10 times more efficient respectively.
• When TV is off, switch off the mains as well, this will help you save 20% of your monthly bill.
• Wipe off your hands with a tissue instead of using a hand dryer.
• Switch off your PC monitor when you leave your desk for more than 5 minutes. A monitor consumes 30% of your monthly bill.
• Go for a candle-light dinner once a week.
• If you own a restaurant try using LED lighting instead of fancy spotlights. They look more charming and save more power.
• Protest against the numerous billboards that your city keeps adding which are multiplying the usage of floodlighting required to light them up.

Ok I admit that I am guilty of not following at least 30% of the points above, but I am willing to go the extra mile beyond Earth Hour to make a difference. I do hope that others who joined Earth Hour also keep the momentum going beyond the 29th of March.
No more quick-fix solutions, climate change needs more practical actions.

Women’s Day, So what?

The fervour with which all daily newspapers remind us of Women’s Day is approaching and the festive look that the malls don around 8th of March every year, really must mean something BIG and IMPORTANT is about to happen. Right?

WRONG.

I don’t see what is the significance of the day, when we are continually involved in the daily rigmarole of trying to ‘prove’ ourselves equal or better than Men, or trying to thwart the attempts of the so called Moral Police Brigade that is thrusting us back indoors?

Just last month, the outrageous incident of women being beaten up in a Mangalore pub made headlines. And on 8th March, I saw no posters, Ads or women lib events (in Bangalore) referring to that shameful incident. I scanned the papers to look for any action taken as promised by the authorities to book the guilty. I was disappointed. None made headlines, or at least I didn’t come across any significant news about the same.

So what is the whole celebration about? Whats the big deal? The ‘capitalization’ of Women’s Day seems to be the only working ‘winning’ strategy to boost the morale of the Indian women.

According to the newspapers, it is the time when women investors ought to be wooed by financial institutions (quoting Hillary Clinton). Lusty ads of women specific discounts spanned the newspapers. From watches to jewellery, from furniture to electronics goods, from fine dining to holiday packages – they were all aimed at making my Women’s Day worthwhile.

One encouraging ad I saw was about health care packages that promoted awareness about cervical cancer and a discounted checkup in that regard.

So, as most women, I too went shopping on 8th March, responding to the several discount offers and made the most of it. But I knew I don’t have to wait for Women’s Day to get that heavy discount, since most commercial establishments put up such sale all the time.

So what is it that Women’s Day should give me that I don’t get any other day of the year?
Should it not give me a firm reassurance that my freedom is not curtailed by any organized hooligans? Should it not give me a firm belief that my work place will be more open minded about having a woman boss? Should the day not make me feel happy that I am a woman and so I am special?

Frankly 8th March gives me nothing of that sort; instead I just have some heavy shopping bags, aching feet, and a very light wallet at the end of the day.

A very temporary day I must say.

Should I join others in a protest rally to 'feel' or 'celebrate' womanhood? Do I do enough to make Women's Day worthwhile for others, instead of choosing to go shopping? I ask myself this knowing very well that the common attitude is to take a backseat.

Leave it to the college students and Women Lib organisations to take up the cause of sisterhood -- this has been the common plan of action for most women including myself. Is that wrong? I guess not.

I don't have to pick up a stake to drive it into the hearts of 'moral brigade' men to celebrate Women's Day. I don't have to look into the eyes of a Muthalik and scream abuses at him to bring justice for my sisterhood. I don't need to add yet another pink chaddi to the existing mountain of pink panties. I also don't need to respond to the many sale ads to celebrate.

But I could do two things to show solidarity with my kind - sms each of the women in my address book and wish them on the day (if nothing else, it shows them I care), and to pen a blog (which you are reading now). These two things give me only a satisfaction that the Day has been observed by me and to say what I have to say about it - "Women's Day, so what?"

'Jai Ho!' a Holly Word now

Who would’ve thought that Jai Ho! A common salutation across the rural India in the north, will one day find the topmost place in a list of Most Influential words in Hollywood.

The words Jai Ho! and Slumdog have made it to the list called “Holly Words” following a study by the Global Language Monitor, which uses an algorithm to track the frequency of words and phrases in the world's print and electronic media.

For those who are uninitiated, Jai Ho! is a Hindi expression used mostly by rural or suburban locals in North India mostly, either to rejoice an occasion especially festivals or to greet each other casually. Derivatives are common such as Jai Sri Krishna (Victory to Lord Krishna), Jai Sri Rama (Victory to Lord Rama), Jai Hanuman (Victory to Lord Hanuman), and the likes.

This everyday common expression has so wonderfully been intertwined with music and lyrics by A R Rahman and Gulzar and today it reverberates through Chat Shows, college fests, and public events such as Cricket matches and soon to come election campaigns.

The popularity of the words hit me recently, when I caught the glimpse of two popular chat shows – Oprah and The Ellen DeGeneres Show, that had its audience dancing away to these words. I got used to such scene on the TV as more and more people started doing the dance on Jai Ho, mostly Americans mind you, including the Oscar Production unit members.

Whats more, the song has been re-recorded by The Pussycat Dolls and Nicole Scherzinger with English lyrics. This version will serve as the video version for the international release of "Jai Ho".

(The song was released on February 23, 2009 on the U.S. iTunes Store and released internationally on February 24. Rahman and the Pussycat Dolls are set to perform the remix version on March 13 on the Today Show.)

In recent times, ‘Chak De’ (loosely meaning ‘Go for it’, I think) was one such popular phrase that caught the nation by a storm, following the success of the Shah Rukh Khan starrer movie titled the same. One could hear it at every hockey or cricket match, making headlines for every instance when Indians did well in any international sports.

However I feel Chak De was not a nationally well known word as it is too Punjabi. Not all Indians would be able to identify with the phrase; I myself struggled for the appropriate translation of the phrase for my husband who has lived mostly in the South of India. I had difficulty associating ‘Chak De’ with victory.

But Jai Ho leaves no confusion in the minds. From being a common household name for Indian boys to a prefix before several Indian gods (as explained above), ‘Jai’ has come a long way. It first hit the Indian silver screens in the early 70s when Amitabh Bacchan kept the name “Vijay” and its nickname ‘Jai’ for over 20 movies. It has since been immortalized as the identity of ‘the angry young man’.

Jai Ho is an uncomplicated simple to understand expression, finding its place easily on everybody’s tongue, be it a Malayali, Manipuri, Bengali, English, American, Spanish or Obama. I wouldn’t be surprised if US President, Barack Obama uttered Jai Ho! before announcing his Aid policy to beat recession, wishing all the success it can get.

Jai Ho! will have several paeans written after it in newspapers and blogs (like mine). A phrase we should thank Subhash Ghai for, as Rahman credits the film maker for introducing this expression to Rahman during the making of “Yuvraaj”. For months to come, this infectious din set off following AR Rahman's Oscar victory, will ring across the nation.

So brace yourself for every hopeful event, every public announcement and every film award ceremony to perhaps start and end with a “Jai Ho!”

Mind Freak!

When a person is able to predict actions of others and has already decided the outcome of a process, what would you call him? A mind controller, a mind reader, or a Mind Freak?!

I met one such ‘mind reader’, Nakul Shenoy, who describes himself as a Psychic Entertainer. On a fascinating Sunday evening, Nakul showed off his talent of controlling thoughts of people and even making them choose options that he knew they would.

In one display of act, Nakul picked up five people randomly from the audience and asked them to choose one of the five books in hand. Then each was asked to randomly pick a page while Nakul flipped through the books. When each member had a specific page in hand, Nakul was able to 'guess' the first word of that page, or even read out a whole sentence off a specific line in the book, without seeing the book. (could he have memorised the books, nah)

He topped the act when he actually pulled out and read a sheet of paper from a participant’s pocket in which he had already written which book the participant was going to select, which page and which line he would be selecting!

That really blew everyone in the audience.

Nakul also tried a new act, with the help of a musician friend. This act was complex and yet very impressive. If you thought reading someone’s thought is difficult, then what would you say to an act where Nakul not only caught a tune running in someone’s head but also ‘transported’ that tune to his guitarist frined who then strummed the tune on his guitar! Yes, he picked up five different tunes from five participants among the audience who were asked to think of a song they chose from a list of cards.

Now could the cards have been rigged? It could be that there were 25 cards, with the same set of five songs. But how would Nakul know which song a specific participant had picked? And having caught the song, how was he able to transport the tune to his friend who stood at the other end of the stage with a guitar?

I have seen even more amazing acts on TV specifically Chris Angel, who is popularly known as Mind Freak. His acts are definitely more on-the-edge and more spectacular than Nakul’s but I have to had down the credit to Nakul who is just 29 years old. He began performing magic shows at the age of 15, and today he is a co-founder of MAADRI (Magic & Allied Arts Development & Research Institute), and a guest faculty at the Academy of Magical Sciences.

Oh, did I mention that I too was picked as one of the participants on the stage briefly, but then he already knew I wont be the winner in that act, as he had already predicted the winner's name on a paper even before the act had ended.

Nakul was funny, witty and focused, a skill that he is sharpening up by pursuing doctoral degree in Communication.

“I don’t do kids” he said disappointing many a kids in the audience who wanted to be picked by him as a stage participant. But then controlling a kid’s thought would be a cake walk.

I wonder if he knew I would be blogging about him?! Hmmm….

If Raju were a writer, what books would he have cooked?

While the Satyam saga is still hot, a variety of blogs have come up. One of the funny posts I came across was this one by Sukumar Ranganathan, Editor, Mint on January 09, 2009.

Satyam Computer Services chairman Ramalinga Raju's letter where he confessed to having cooked the company's books to the tune of at least Rs 7136 crore displayed several literary flourishes. Maybe the lover of science fiction could explore a second life in literature. Here, with due apologies to the authors of the originals (the original lines are in brackets), are how some popular works of fiction would probably begin if authored by Raju.

Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams about stock market regulators he found himself transformed in his bed into that rare thing -- a clean balance sheet.

(As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a giant insect. )

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a company in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a smart auditor.

(It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.)

Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
A balance sheet won't be a balance sheet without any cash," grumbled Vadlamani, lying.

("Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. )

I, Robot by Issac Asimov
I looked at my audit notes and I didn't like them. I'd spent three days going through the books of XXXXXXX and might as well have spent them at home with my PSP

(I looked at my notes and I didn't like them. I'd spent three days at U.S. Robots and might as well have spent them at home with the Encyclopedia Tellurica. )

The Exorcist, by William Peter Blatty
Like the brief doomed flare of exploding suns that registers dimly on men's eyes, the beginning of the horror passed unnoticed; in the wake of what followed, in fact, was forgotten and perhaps not connected to the events at all.

(Like the brief doomed flare of exploding suns that registers dimly on blind men's eyes, the beginning of the horror passed almost unnoticed; in the shriek of what followed, in fact, was forgotten and perhaps not connected to the horror at all. )

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
It was a pleasure to fudge

(It was a pleasure to burn.)

The Personal History of David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Whether I shall turn out to be the villain of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, this letter must show.

(Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.. )

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Last night I dreamt we were profitable again

(Last night I dreamt I went to Manderly again.)

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
I run an invisible business

(I am an invisible man.)

Goldfinger by Ian Fleming
Ramalinga Raju, with a good Andhra meal inside him, sat back in the final departure lounge of Dubai airport and thought about profit and loss.

(James Bond, with two double bourbons inside him, sat back in the final departure lounge of Miami Airport and thought about life and death. )

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
The auditor had been working very hard all morning, window-dressing his book of accounts.

(The Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home.)

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
It was an old company that operated alone in the fast lane and it had gone six quarters without making a profit.

(He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf stream and he had gone 84 days now without taking a fish. )

The Honourable Schoolboy
Afterwards, in the dusty little corners where Mumbai's auditors drink together, there was argument about where the Satyam case history should really begin

(Afterwards, in the dusty little corners where London's secret servants drink together, there was argument about where the Dolphin case history should really begin. )

The Little Engine that Could by Watty Piper
Borrow, borrow, borrow. Siphon, siphon, siphon. Sob-sob, sob-sob

(Chug, chug, chug. Puff, puff, puff. Ding-dong, ding-dong)

I could go on..

You can read the original post on http://blogs.livemint.com/blogs/daily_download/archive/2009/01/09/if-raju-were-a-writer.aspx

Who Watches the Watchmen At Satyam?

As the Satyam fiasco is still being splashed all over the papers, I join several others in asking what were the other independent Directors of Satyam doing? More precisely, “who watches the watchmen?” or as Roman poet famously asked Socrates in Latin - Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
The saying has since been used to question the people in power about what powers they should hold and who should govern those who are in power. The phrase became more popular by the cult-hit graphic novel – “WATCHMEN” by Alan Moore.

Who watches the Watchmen?

Today this question is more pertinent in the context of Satyam affairs. The role of the Directors is well understood as the conscience keepers of a firm. More so, the independent Directors and auditors who play the role of watchdogs, are under the scanner.

I’d like to draw parallel between the Satyam saga and Alan Moore’s “Watchmen” (which is now being made into a movie, releasing in March 2009). The latter’s tale is that of superheroes or costumed vigilantes in modern times and traces their moralities in an attempt to deconstruct the superhero concept. The reason why I drew parallel between Watchmen and Satyam will become clear (hopefully) as you read on.

“Watchmen” begins with the discovery of a dead body of a retired costumed hero, The Comedian, and the investigation by Rorschach, an active vigilante who works outside the law. Juxtapose with Satyam – the Satyam saga starts with the failed attempt of a Satyam-Maytas deal; Rorschach’s role is assumed by the investors or Satyam shareholders whose fury forces buyout rethink.

Just as the New York police start investigating the Comedian’s murder in ‘Watchmen’, the law catches up with Satyam when Registrar of companies is asked to probe the Maytas deal. Fallout is resignation of three board members.

In the comic, Rorschach believes he has discovered a plot to eliminate costumed adventurers and he sets about warning four of his retired comrades, Dan Dreiberg (formerly Nite Owl), the super-powered and emotionally detached Doctor Manhattan and his lover Laurie Juspeczyk (also known as Silk Spectre), and Adrian Veidt (once the hero Ozymandias, now a successful businessman).

(Don’t worry too much about the characters, yet. See the end of the article for a quick reference of the characters)

Similar to Rorschach, Satyam’s investors believed that this was a ploy to rescue the promoters son’s company Maytas and perhaps a bid to siphon off cash.

The truth couldn’t be more further than this, in both tales.

The role of media in Satyam’s case is played out by Nite Owl in Watchmen who joins Rorschach (the shareholders) in trying to uncover the plot. Rorschach's paranoid beliefs appear vindicated when Adrian Veidt narrowly survives an assassination attempt, and Rorschach himself is framed for murder and is arrested. Much like when three independent directors quit Satyam, vindicating the stand taken by Media and shareholders that all was not well at Satyam.

Nite Owl and Rorschach continue to uncover the conspiracy surrounding the death of The Comedian. They discover evidence that their former comrade Adrian Veidt may be behind the plan. In the Satyam saga, Adrian Veidt turns out to be none other than Ramalingu Raju, the founder-chairman of the company.

This is where the similarities between the two tales get really uncanny.

When confronted, Veidt explains his underlying plan was to save humanity from impending nuclear war between the United States and Soviet Union by faking an alien invasion in New York City, which he hopes will unite the nations against a perceived common enemy. He also reveals that he had killed The Comedian, who had stumbled onto the construction of his weapon and was a threat to the plan.

R Raju’s confessional statement is well known by now. Raju’s attempt at going ahead with the Maytas deal was to actually rescue Satyam from ‘exposing’ the gaping hole of fudged numbers – Rs 5000 crore to be precise, which would appear to have been paid to Maytas (if the deal was through). So, it (Satyam) would have pretended to pay the money, thus making the non-existent money to turn real on paper.

The intentions of Veidt and Raju are similar – they did it for achieving a "larger good". But both are guilty of committing a crime – former for a murder of a peer, and the latter of falsifying accounts.

Similar to Rorschach's discovery that the real conspiracy wasn’t to eliminate the costumed heroes, but to save humanity at the cost of a murder and some mayhem; we learn the truth about Satyam. We are told by r Raju in his confessional letter that the real story wasn't about Satyam trying to rescue Maytas, but Maytas trying to save Satyam.

The larger good that Raju attempted to do, if he went ahead with the acquisition, would have meant that the Satyam investors would have still had their money invested in India’s fourth largest IT firm, Satyam would have had real assets on its books instead of non-existent cash; the Raju family would have continued to manage Satyam; and things would have been alright for everyone.

Perhaps this “larger good” was well understood by the other Board members and independent directors, much like Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan who recognizes Veidt’s good intentions and tries to stop Rorschach from exposing the truth to the public.

Rorschach pays with his life, much like the investors who have lost heavily in the market. The independent directors resign with regret, likened to Dr. Manhattan who goes on a self-exile in a different Galaxy after he vapourises Rorschach.

Just before Manhattan leaves Earth, Veidt asks him if he did the right thing in the end to which Manhattan replies “Nothing ever ends”.

R Raju could be asking a similar question to his supporters, only to get a similar response. Indeed, nothing ever ends, the Satyam saga is just at the beginning of its end for now.

What appealed to the readers of 'Watchmen' across the globe was the complexity of the so called superheroes or vigilantes. The novel tries to explore the frailities and questions the moralities of superheroes. Similarly, Satyam's saga from the point of view of R Raju's action shows how one of the "Darlings of Indian IT industry" could be faced with choices that test his morality, ethics and principles.

Can we blame R Raju for trying to carve out a deal with Maytas to cover up accounts flaw? Can we forget all the good he has done over the last 20 years and sweep it away with one stroke? Is R Raju as guilty as Veidt in having crossed the line in an attempt to think of the "Larger good" of the company?

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Watchmen Characters juxtaposed against Satyam’s characters:

• The Comedian – found murdered, a fallout of Veidt’s plan.
• Maytas-Satyam deal – Deal taken off, a fallout of Satyam’s fraudulent numbers

• Adrian Veidt – a retired super hero, now a business man who plots to create mayhem only to unite countries and save humanity. He murders The Comedian.
• Ramalingu Raju – Founder, chairman of Satyam, who plots to acquire Maytas in order to save Satyam from its fraudulent numbers. He owns up the fraud.

• Rorschach – a Vigilante who investigates the murder of The Comedian, but gets killed in the end.
• Satyam shareholders – Sniffed something is wrong in the deal; their activism lead to the deal being shelved and eventually truth to come out.

• Nite Owl – Worked with Rorschach in unveiling the truth.
• Media – worked overtime with analysts and eventually succeeded in getting Raju to tell the truth.

• Dr. Manhattan – a Super hero possessing super powers, who eventually sees the justification behind Veidt’s actions. He flies away from Earth in the end.
• Satyam’s Independent Directors – a group of well-acclaimed personalities who approved of the MAytas deal, and were perhaps in the knowing of Satyam’s fudged numbers. They resigned but likely to face the law.