Emraan Took My Beer Session Advice & Made Peace

Apparently Emraan Hashmi had a change of heart and I'd like to take credit for that (ahem!) since my open letter to him suggested that he has a beer session with the Landlord, Mr. Suvarna (not that I am advocating alcoholism) inspired by President Obama. (Read my open letter at Why Emraan Hashmi needs to drink beer)

Hashmi has made a U-Turn since then, saying that he was never discriminated being a Muslim, also the landlord remarks that he is more than willing to sell the flat to Hashmi, who is like his son. Mr. Suvarna claims that Mr. Hashmi will be his first choice if and when he decides to sells the flat (Mr. Suvarna had earlier said that he has put off plans to sell flat since his son is returning from the US).

So all's well that end's well. The extent to which Hashmi has done a U-turn only encourages me to conclude that he has heeded to my advice with numerous pegs of a a potent drink of Beer (I'm guessing Cobra beer or Kingfisher Strong).

Like Benjamin Franklin said - "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Why Emraan Hashmi needs to drink a Beer

Dear Mr. Hashmi, (A.K.A. Serial Kisser)

You are welcome to reach down to your religious root when you find it convenient.

You are welcome to show off your latest moustache and goatie and enjoy the limelight given that your recent movies aren’t a super-duper hit thanks to Akshay Kumar’s brigade of movies and Rakhi Sawant beating you to the Oomph factor.

You are welcome to conveniently forget the millions of rupees you have made on account of your ‘kissing’ talent on screen thanks to many Hindu, Christian and Muslim fans who imagined themselves in your boots while you lip-locked dozens of heroines.

You are welcome to reveal to the world that you have been a pious Muslim and even secular since you have a Hindu wife and Christian convert mother.

But Mr. Hashmi, you are NOT welcome to play the ‘Sympathy’ card or ‘Minority’ card after enjoying being a ‘loved’ celebrity for a decade now. Have you gone 'insane' like the former cricket captain Mohd. Azharuddin who too pulled out the Minority card when he cried of being victimized few years ago?

You are NOT welcome to grab headlines over an issue as trivial as not being able to get a house in Mumbai. Didn’t Shahrukh Khan and Salman Khan get mansions of their own worth millions?

You are NOT welcome to assume that the housing society in Mumbai didn’t sell you flat because of your surname. Instead it could’ve been because you are a film star like Shiney Ahuja who shamed his family and neighbours by turning out to be a rapist. Perhaps that’s the reason why any responsible landlord is demanding a character certificate (not that you need one!)

You are NOT welcome to divide your fans’ faith between being a ‘Serial Kisser’ and a ‘Muslim Star who didn’t get a flat as easily as his star status’.

You are NOT welcome to toy with public’s emotions and try to seed seeds of ‘Hindu-Muslim divide’ among the millions of fans of Bollywood stars, because they don’t see Bollywood stars as anything less than Gods and Goddesses, leave alone see them as Hindus or Muslims.

So while you are enjoying your 30 minutes of fame on TV even in the absence of a steamy kissing scene, try doing what Obama did. Take a bottle of beer and sit down with the flat owner who you have accused of being biased. Do try and search in your past if you have discriminated others for their religion background? If not help yourself to another glass.

After all, a chilled beer is the next best thing after a kiss and make up.

Yours Truly,
an Indian.

PS: And while you are at it, try figuring out how it would've been if a 'Muslim' fanatic group took up cudgels brandishing your kissing scenes as unIslamic or a cleric issuing a Fatwa against you for having kissed, drink beer and pray to other gods.

Note to readers not familiar with Mr. Hashmi: Emraan Hashmi is a Bollywood star more on him at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/emraan-hashmi-bollywood-s_n_250899.html

When Ram Gopal Verma Gave Me Company

It was in a restaurant (KFC to be precise) when I sat down alone to bite into my juicy burger, that I felt an urge to drop in to see what RGV was upto. Ram Gopal Verma’s blog has been much talked about by my husband. Now that I had an hour to kill before a movie, I was tempted to check out the scrumptious blog http://rgvzoomin.com/


It was delectable, juicy and stimulating just like my Burger oozing out cheese. I had never been introduced to Ram Gopal Varma as someone who had a nonchalant approach towards life or someone who possessed quite an ‘in-your-face’ kind of wit that tries to grabs you by your balls when you try to grab RGV’s balls!

So far none of the TV interviews ever portrayed the guy as any of the above, which goes on to show what a lousy bunch of Bollywood reporters we have. So it pleasantly surprised me when I began knowing RGV through his ‘honest’ writings.
Essentially he comes across as an ordinary human being who could sometimes don the cap of a visionary director.

RGV’s blog is peppered with real-life experiences which at times choke you, they also reflect his ‘Bindaas’ attitude towards life.

Like, I never knew what a huge impact Michael Jackson had on RGV. “I hate Michael Jackson” was a touching tribute to MJ by Ramu.

Another post titled “Biggest thrill of my life” captures Ramu’s years as a vagabond hanging around a movie theatre absorbing cinema. This post was not only endearing but also heart warming as it shows RGV as any regular college going dude who loved movies and didn’t have enough moolah to buy tickets, so he would hang around to sniff cinema in any form available.

This struck a chord with me as I know a college mate who had a similar passion. This guy has watched Rangeela over 80 times in the movie halls and maybe 24 times or more at home on VHS and VCD. The theater manager took a liking for my friend who would watch 3 shows back to back daily when he had enough moolah. On other days the theater manager would let him watch for free. His passion for movies continued beyond Rangeela as he now owns a huge collection of DVDs and VCDs (all legal) and has run out of space for additional DVDs in his wardrobe. Its a different thing that my friend didnt turn out to be a movie director, but he sure did get to shake hands with Ramu.

RGV’s blog makes one realize how real his experiences are. Whether he sculpts a story with a camera or words he always has an interesting story to tell.

Getting back to RGV’s ball-biting humour which some may find offensive or rude, here’s some sample:

1. What is the worst gift that you have ever received?”
RGV: “An unlimited budget for Aag.”

2. Fuck you and fuck your limited brains.
RGV: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!......... (In case you didn’t realize that’s me having an orgasm)

3. What will RGV’s epitaph say?
RGV: Somewhere between “Not a very nice guy” and “Not a very bad guy”

4. Can you tell us the three biggest mistakes you made w.r.t your films?
RGV: Shiva, Satya and Rangeela because they have created a benchmark and all the time I get bashed up for not living up to them. Boo hoo hoo!

And finally when asked to describe himself, RGV replies:

I am like a hardcore porn dvd. You might hate it, love it, look down upon it or get disgusted by it but if it is in the room you can’t resist watching it.
Apart from this I am also quite a nice guy though no one agrees with me on this.

Ramu, I agree you are quite a nice guy and I love reading your blog not for inspiration or tips on life, but just because it is not pretentious or preachy unlike other movie stars who are blogging.

In fact you will not find any bibliography of his work or a section dedicated to awards or accolades, Ramu’s blog just gives you a bare minimum emotional window.

Ah, and if you are an aspiring movie maker you may also find some of the tips given by Ramu on his blog interesting such as camera movements and cinematography tips which can enrich scenes.

For me Ramu’s blog is one helluva cool site which I enjoy reading for kicks!
Way to go Ramu!