If Raju were a writer, what books would he have cooked?

While the Satyam saga is still hot, a variety of blogs have come up. One of the funny posts I came across was this one by Sukumar Ranganathan, Editor, Mint on January 09, 2009.

Satyam Computer Services chairman Ramalinga Raju's letter where he confessed to having cooked the company's books to the tune of at least Rs 7136 crore displayed several literary flourishes. Maybe the lover of science fiction could explore a second life in literature. Here, with due apologies to the authors of the originals (the original lines are in brackets), are how some popular works of fiction would probably begin if authored by Raju.

Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams about stock market regulators he found himself transformed in his bed into that rare thing -- a clean balance sheet.

(As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a giant insect. )

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a company in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a smart auditor.

(It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.)

Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott
A balance sheet won't be a balance sheet without any cash," grumbled Vadlamani, lying.

("Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. )

I, Robot by Issac Asimov
I looked at my audit notes and I didn't like them. I'd spent three days going through the books of XXXXXXX and might as well have spent them at home with my PSP

(I looked at my notes and I didn't like them. I'd spent three days at U.S. Robots and might as well have spent them at home with the Encyclopedia Tellurica. )

The Exorcist, by William Peter Blatty
Like the brief doomed flare of exploding suns that registers dimly on men's eyes, the beginning of the horror passed unnoticed; in the wake of what followed, in fact, was forgotten and perhaps not connected to the events at all.

(Like the brief doomed flare of exploding suns that registers dimly on blind men's eyes, the beginning of the horror passed almost unnoticed; in the shriek of what followed, in fact, was forgotten and perhaps not connected to the horror at all. )

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
It was a pleasure to fudge

(It was a pleasure to burn.)

The Personal History of David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Whether I shall turn out to be the villain of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, this letter must show.

(Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.. )

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Last night I dreamt we were profitable again

(Last night I dreamt I went to Manderly again.)

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
I run an invisible business

(I am an invisible man.)

Goldfinger by Ian Fleming
Ramalinga Raju, with a good Andhra meal inside him, sat back in the final departure lounge of Dubai airport and thought about profit and loss.

(James Bond, with two double bourbons inside him, sat back in the final departure lounge of Miami Airport and thought about life and death. )

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
The auditor had been working very hard all morning, window-dressing his book of accounts.

(The Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home.)

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
It was an old company that operated alone in the fast lane and it had gone six quarters without making a profit.

(He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf stream and he had gone 84 days now without taking a fish. )

The Honourable Schoolboy
Afterwards, in the dusty little corners where Mumbai's auditors drink together, there was argument about where the Satyam case history should really begin

(Afterwards, in the dusty little corners where London's secret servants drink together, there was argument about where the Dolphin case history should really begin. )

The Little Engine that Could by Watty Piper
Borrow, borrow, borrow. Siphon, siphon, siphon. Sob-sob, sob-sob

(Chug, chug, chug. Puff, puff, puff. Ding-dong, ding-dong)

I could go on..

You can read the original post on http://blogs.livemint.com/blogs/daily_download/archive/2009/01/09/if-raju-were-a-writer.aspx